Ode to Impala Shuttle
Impala Shuttle Services,
For 9 hours plus,
I have been sitting on your bus…
Or rather your glorified van.
Impala Shuttle,
The road’s endless bumps hurt our butts,
Because you have no shocks or struts.
I’ll be honest…I’m not a fan.
Impala Shuttle,
You probably hate puppies, don’t you?
Impala Shuttle,
I was able to closely examine shantytowns aplenty,
Mostly because your top speed in kilometers was twenty.
Also…really…pick a lane.
Impala Shuttle,
Your tactful approach to speed bumps left my teeth rattling,
Fits of berserker rage, I am currently battling.
I really am trying to stay sane.
Impala Shuttle,
Your favorite movie is probably Gigli.
Impala Shuttle,
You gave us one stop on our trek from Moshi to Nairobi,
My bladder did not suffer to badly fortunately.
You only gave us one complimentary beverage – water.
Impala Shuttle,
Couldn’t you have waited to fill up and smoke after dropping me off…last?
I mean…I guess you did say it would be “very very fast”…
Fast…as in…45 liters of gas, two washed windows, and a quick drive shaft solder.*
Impala Shuttle,
You pitched “New Coke,” didn’t you?
Impala Shuttle,
Next time, I’m shelling out the extra 700 quai,**
And just fly.
You’re worse than that show they tried to spin off from Married with Children.
Impala Shuttle,
If you were a dude,
I’d kick you in the nuts.
* pronounced “sodder”
** Quai is another word for the Chinese Yuan (currency). Dollars/shillings/pounds/euros didn’t rhyme with “fly”
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